Hospice

The past week has been a whirlwind week. I was hormonal and stressed about work last week. Also, our dear friend D was back in the hospital in the ICU. On Friday he decided to begin hospice care. He has said numerous times that he wants to be at home, that he hates the hospital and does not want any more procedures. Over the weekend the Hospice intake staff got furniature and supplies (like oxygen, wheelchair, sanitary items, etc) delivered and set up at D and J's home. The intake nurses talked with them both about the process and what Hospice entails. The Hospice care nurse, OT and PT were all coming today to get their schedules and care set up. We were able to go over for a short visit yesterday to see them both. I was very nervous since I had no idea really what to expect, what Hospice looks like, what D's health would be like. Once we were there I was not so scared, just sad. We had a good chat and were able to help out with a few tasks. D is very very weak and I can see that his body is begining the physical process of shutting down. It is very hard. I respect and accept D's choice, yet at the same time I am not ready for him not to be in my life anymore. I did some research on Hospice, one of the things that is very important is to be accepting and supportive of your loved one's decisions. Death is not only a physical process of the body shutting down but an emotional and spiritual one too. It is important to help the person in Hospice to go through the process in their own way and in their own time. I feel very torn, very sad and it is hard to not be selfish. I know how blessed we are to have had them both in our lives and I am thankful for all of the time that we have shared with D. D is very weak so we are planning short visits as often as we can and as often as D and J would like us too. I have never been so close to someone who is dying, nor have I experienced going through the emotional process of loosing someone I care about. It is difficult to know what to do. So we are doing what we can. Visiting, spending time while we can, running errands, offering meals and help. Just being there.